An Awkward Game of Baseball


This post is personal and sexual; if that’s not your cup of tea then it’s time to leave. Apologies to my boyfriend who’s privacy I am implicating in this post.

I have a problem penis. It’s kind of both. My penis poses several problems for me: dysphoria, can’t have kids, accidentally outing me etc. These things considered, my complaint today is relatively minor in magnitude, but makes up for it in frequency. Like an awkward game of baseball, my sex life is missing third base.

For the uninitiated, the baseball metaphor of sex is as follows:

  1. First Base: Kissing, making out
  2. Second Base: Shirts off, touched her boobs
  3. Third Base: Hand in the pants, touching someone’s junk
  4. Home Plate: Handholding

This is accurate to the best of my middle school knowledge.

My frustration stems from the interruption of natural sexual progression. Fantastic foreplay foments a deep and instinctive feeling in my body about where to go next – but I can’t go there and I don’t know what to do. I get a weird feeling in my perineum, where the base of my bulbospongiosus muscle is, but I can’t really indulge it.

The best analogy I can give is preparing food, sitting down to eat, raising the fork to your mouth, opening wide only to find you cannot chew. It’s still possible to eat, but you feel deep down that there is something you’d like to be doing, but for some reason you physiology won’t permit it.

This post is mostly a dressed up complaint; I find that writing about my problems helps uncover solutions, or at least lay them to rest in my mind. I suppose the only thing to do it wait for surgery. If anyone has found a workaround I’m all ears.

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Amy Jie

Not dead yet! =^__^;;=

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