Self Destruction Anthem

Self Destruction Anthem by Days N Daze is a fun song to sing along to. It’s probably a blast if you have similarly disillusioned friends to belt alongside of. I wouldn’t know. I don’t have friends.

It consists of two, roughly 14 syllable lyrics about self destructive behavior, followed by “Why do I do this? Whyyyyyyyy? Why do I do this to myself?” and occasionally interspersed with “I’m self destructing. No one can save me. You asked me if I loved you I said maybe. Why would you love me? You should learn to hate me. I’m going not where fast.” Repeat until you can’t sing any more.

In the spirit of things, I made my own personal version of the lyrics. One day I’ll learn to play the guitar, make my father proud, and then disappoint him as I strum out of tune to overly indulgent self loathing.

Lyrics

My name is Amy and I can’t keep going on this way,
I’m scared of life, I stay at home and sleep away the day.

Why do I do this? Whyyy? Why do I do this to myself?

Each day I get the shakes at what life has in store,
I think I’m living properly, sleeping alone on my hard floor.

Why do I do this? Whyyy? Why do I do this to myself?

I’m self destructing. No one can save me. You asked me if I loved you, I said maybe. How could you love me? You should learn to hate me. I’m going nowhere fast.

I go to my job everyday, I’d rather break a bone,
I sit in subtle agony and then pass out home alone.

Why do I do this? Whyyy? Why do I do this to myself?

I haven’t given up on life but it feels like life gave up on me,
If you told it’s a bit of both I wouldn’t disagree.

Why do I do this? Whyyy? Why do I do this to myself?

All I’ve done for years on end is too much LSD,
It’s not great but being sober seems much worse to me.

Why do I do this? Whyyy? Why do I do this to myself?

I’m self destructing. No one can save me. You asked me if I loved you, I said maybe. How could you love me? You should learn to hate me. I’m going nowhere fast.

Broken Bone, Broken Person

This is an addendum to the drawing I posted yesterday.

Months ago, when I started drawing this, I didn’t know what it was I was drawing, or why I was drawing it. I saw the creature’s shape in the fibers of a hanging hand towel and felt compelled to sketch it out. Upon completion and reflection it seems to me this drawing is a representation my past depression.

The setting is a dark woods, a symbol of suicide. The sky is lighter near the horizon, indicating that the sun has just set, or is just about to rise. I think the sun is rising by the way the creature seems to be leaving the forest.

The creature is representative of several dimensions of my depression and past suffering. It floats off the ground, detached from the world, but still in it. The body is diseased, the creature has a rotten core. The face is blind, those who cannot see cannot leave the forest. The teeth sharp and cruel like my words were. The outer shell resembles a broken bone, my daily, throbbing pain. I don’t remember what the antlers are about :p

This post is a bit self indulgent and perhaps comes off as a case of 2egdy4u or over thinking. Either way, I figured I’d share for posterity’s sake. For anyone wondering, I don’t identify with the drawing.