Broken Bone, Broken Person

This is an addendum to the drawing I posted yesterday.

Months ago, when I started drawing this, I didn’t know what it was I was drawing, or why I was drawing it. I saw the creature’s shape in the fibers of a hanging hand towel and felt compelled to sketch it out. Upon completion and reflection it seems to me this drawing is a representation my past depression.

The setting is a dark woods, a symbol of suicide. The sky is lighter near the horizon, indicating that the sun has just set, or is just about to rise. I think the sun is rising by the way the creature seems to be leaving the forest.

The creature is representative of several dimensions of my depression and past suffering. It floats off the ground, detached from the world, but still in it. The body is diseased, the creature has a rotten core. The face is blind, those who cannot see cannot leave the forest. The teeth sharp and cruel like my words were. The outer shell resembles a broken bone, my daily, throbbing pain. I don’t remember what the antlers are about :p

This post is a bit self indulgent and perhaps comes off as a case of 2egdy4u or over thinking. Either way, I figured I’d share for posterity’s sake. For anyone wondering, I don’t identify with the drawing.

Real Sexy Update

After my last blag post Naomi tweeted this:

Mostly it’s as described- the same people who argue “merit” should be the only thing that matters quickly move the goalposts when dealing with someone as, or more qualified then others by the criteria they established but from a group that criteria has historically kept out.

Which is equally as brilliant and should be seen by as many people as possible. Shame on anyone that would use merit as the measure only when they are sure they will be on top.

Real Sexy Cyborg

I’ve only taken a cursory glance at Naomi Wu’s (@realSexyCyborg) twitter, and I like what I see. She hooked me with the last line of her bio:

“Everything is about merit until merit has tits”

I love this because I do believe in competence as a valid construct, and I do believe in competent women (and men) and I don’t appreciate it when people subvert meritocracy. This quote is an excellent quip encoding a response to three obnoxious attitudes:

  1. You can’t have merit because you have tits
  2. I don’t need to have merit because I have tits
  3. Forget your merit; let’s talk about your tits

Old Fashioned Sexism

The first attitude is old fashioned sexism; you are female so you cannot possibly be competent. The weaker version of this is: you are female so you cannot possibly be as competent as most men. Fortunately, I have been spared exposure to this. I can imagine it would fan the flames of indignity in anyone’s heart to the point of resentment and retribution.

New Fashioned Progressivism

Working a corporate job, I encounter the second item quite often. This is about including people, promoting people or providing people access to spaces and resources just because they are female. You can tell me all you want about historical wrongs that need righting, but I will never attend an event to be the token, or join a group “for” my gender.

Puritanical Prevarication

Similar to the first, but more sexual in nature. This is when no one objects to your competence or participation but can’t contain their attraction to the point where they can see you as more than your body.

I actually have some sympathy for this view point. Arguments about psychological effects of attractiveness on perceived and actual competence aside; I’m not here to shame anyone for normal human sexuality. This tweet sums up what I’m talking about nicely:

Naomi Wu Tweet

I’m guessing that Naomi is referring to commenters ignoring the lesson in lieu of her (lack of) dress. This implies that her outfit  is a more pressing matter than her content. The magic of the internet is that, if you’re (understandably) distracted by the presenter, you can just watch a different video. The shit move is to try to shame your sense of propriety onto the presenter. If you can’t enjoy material if it’s too “sexy” that’s your problem, not hers.

I like the quote. I like merit. I like tits. I like competent people. I don’t appreciate it when people try to undermine measures of competence with non relevant criterion.


I don’t know if this is what Naomi meant by her quote as I only have it out of context.

Centaur Playing a Lyre

I pulled into my usual parking spot, near a large tree at the end of the lot. Underneath sat a centaur, legs wreathed in ethereal flames. As I stepped out we locked eyes; his forehead he bore the mark of Gal’esh, Lord of Liars.

“Are you real?” I asked.

“No” he replied.

The flames crackled and grew brighter.